One of the greatest causes of stress around planning and arranging a funeral—especially an unexpected one, is that you have to do it in a very short time. Trying to plan a funeral in just a couple of days can be extremely stressful, and frustrating. But the reality is that you have more time than you may think.
While it is true that certain aspects have to be done quickly, the actual date and arrangements for the funeral can be done on your schedule, within reason. (The exception to this is that certain religions like Judaism require strict timelines for burial.) Your Authorised Remembrance Providers℠ can give you expert advice on any specific requirements.
If this is an Emergency, go to our section on Funeral Emergency or watch The Remembrance Process℠ video below for a quick overview of what needs to be done.
For many families,the idea of discussing death, and funeral planning is uncomfortable. Even in families where a loved one is terminally ill, the idea of discussing funeral arrangements is often seen as morbid, or an indication that the family is “giving up” on the loved one. In addition, because information about funerals, cremation, monuments, palliative care, nursing homes, has not been readily available, the subject is treated with the fear that accompanies the unknown.
The Remembrance Process℠ can provide planning materials, and information about your options and rights on-line, or over the phone, or by calling a Remembrance Provider℠. Gaining this information in advance allows families to plan in a calm and peaceful way in the privacy of their home. When you can discuss options, look at choices, and consider ways of saying goodbye to your loved one, the perspective about the funeral can change dramatically. Knowledge is power, and never more so, than about this inevitable life event. Funerals will always be stressful events, but knowing what to expect in advance, can reduce that stress tremendously.
Giving your family a funeral plan, may be one of the best gifts you ever give them, since it allows them to stop worrying about details, allows them to come together as a family to grieve, without distractions.
Often, a significant cause of stress in planning a funeral is the disagreement between family members over what “ dad or mom would have wanted.” Arguments can occur over whether burial or cremation is desired, what kind of casket is appropriate, what kind of service, what kind of monument, when to have the service, and how much to pay for these arrangements.
Ironically, these arguments often occur in the most loving families, where different family members have strong opinions on how to honor their deceased family member.
See information on funeral planning on this site, or contact a Remembrance Provider℠ or other funeral home to learn about funeral planning tools that can assist you in creating a funeral plan that is as simple or detailed as you want. You can even add information about your genealogy, choices of music, or obituary that may provide extraordinary comfort to your family not only at the time of death, but in years to come.
Almost 40% of all families now choose to use palliative care as the way to make end of life a more personal and natural process. Allowing the loved one to be cared for at home, surrounded by family members, is seen by many as a tremendous advantage over a death that occurs in a hospital, that almost always has to be more impersonal.
In addition, many families find that the care provided by palliative care nurses, chaplains, and medical and social worker professionals not only helps the terminally ill patient, but helps the family as well. These professionals are experienced in helping families say goodbye to their loved ones in personal ways, and they can also help in personalising the care the dying person receives.
By helping make death part of a natural process, rather than a sudden and separate event, the palliative care experience leads to a funeral process and event that for many is more natural, more humane, and in many cases, more spiritual than what they have experienced by dealing only with the hospital.
For more palliative care information please visit the palliative care section of this site or call one of our counsellors.
If you have time to prepare, there are many ways to reduce the financial stress of a funeral. And your Remembrance Providers℠ can help here. Also, if you have traditional insurance or funeral bonds, your Remembrance Provider℠ can help process this for you. In addition, Remembrance Providers℠ can discuss various approaches to making sure you get the funeral you want, in a way that matches your budget, so that you can focus on moving from grieve to remembrance. They can also tell you about final expense provisions, which is inexpensive and generally available to people 50-85.
End of life is a difficult passage, and for many families, the counsel and advice provided by experienced ministers or clergy can be a significant aid. Even for families who may not be actively involved in a church, the guidance and support of a clergyman or woman can be wonderfully comforting. In addition, many families may need advice on religious traditions that their parents observed, and which they would like to honor.
Why do people carve their initials in trees? Or place their hands in cement? They want to leave their mark, and to be remembered. But the real marks they leave are the ones they've made on us. A hug. A smile. A kind word. We want to remember them. This touching video helps families see how remembering can help them deal with loss.
“A smile of encouragement at the right moment may act like sunlight on a closed-up flower; it may be the turning point for a struggling life.” -Unknown “Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure.” -Proverbs 2:3-4
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